The Worst of 2008 (The Year of Bloodless Horror )

Straight out of the gate, 2008 distinguished itself as another ridiculously bad year for films. No genre suffered as grisly a fate as the horror genre and the first film I saw in 2008 sucked bad enough to still make the list. But there is also some pedigree on this list, like David Mamet and Kevin Smith. As great as they have been in the past, they were just awful this year. And the number one pick for 2008 might be the worst film I have seen in the last decade. Enjoy:

___________________________________


01. Repo! The Genetic Opera

A foul, disgusting, turd of a film that features some truly awful music and some truly awful performances by everyone from the talentless Paris Hilton to the painfully bad Bill Moseley. This film was created to become the next cult sensation, which defeats the whole point of becoming a legit cult sensation. The production quality is poor and the only redeeming quality of the entire film was that it made so little money, we know there won’t be a sequel.

02. Zack & Miri Make A Porno

This one almost topped the list. The more I dwell on this film, the more I hate it. Kevin Smith’s humor is outdated and just not funny. His juvenile gags and jokes fall flat, especially a scene where a man literally has diarrhea splashed all over his face. The two gay characters go beyond to stereotype to just ignorantly offensive and the title of the film is misleading – they never make a porno, just scenes for a porno. The film is ignorant and bad.

03. Prom Night

How can you have a horror film without blood? I knew “Prom Night” would be bad based on the premise and the whole PG-13 rating thing, but this film didn’t even attempt quality. The death scenes were generic and blood-less, the acting was pitiful all the way around and the scene where the woman drops the plate is one of the worst scenes of the year, only because you see it coming a mile away but don’t think their dumb enough to make it happen.

04. One Missed Call

This was the film new film I saw in 2008 and it really kicked the year off with a bang! You have everything from the hysterically awful ‘salad’ scene to the exorcism of a cellular telephone. You’ve got a film with a plotline that is so full of holes – the plotline itself is not possible in the way it plays out. You can ask an audience to believe a lot of things, but no one can ever explain to me why you can’t just turn your damned cell phone off and put it in a drawer!

05. Redbelt

It really does pain me to include a David Mamet film on this list, but “Redbelt” had to be punished. This was a film with a great premise, a great cast and a great director at the helm that just crash landed. When the film ended, we really thought a reel had been missed. I can’t even begin to describe the final few minutes of the film because they are so poorly chopped together. Good intentions but just a bad, bad, bad execution. Bad David Mamet.

06. Pride and Glory

This film is the definition of ‘nothing special’ – a run-of-the-mill cop thriller that follows in the footsteps of every other insepid cop thriller of recent memory. And, even if you tolerate most of the film, the final fight scene between Colin Farrell and Edward Nortion is beyond ridiculous and turns this film into a first class joke. And I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the over-the-top performance of the year by Mr. Over-the-Top, Jon Voight.

07. Postal

You can always count on Uwe Boll to make this list, but he’s usually higher. Does that mean he’s getting better? No, it just means his competition is getting worse. “Postal” was a hodgepodge of everything wrong with cinema and Boll’s lame attempt to direct a political satire. It’s like casting Leslie Nielsen as Nelson Mandela. The film tried to be the most offensive film of the year and couldn’t even accomplish that. How hard is it to be offensive?

08. Righteous Kill

The reuniting of Robert De Niro and Al Pacino should have been a momentous occasion, a reason for film fans to celebrate. Instead, we get “Righteous Kill”. Really? After this long, “Righteous Kill” is the best you can do? It’s just another formulaic buddy-cop thriller with one of them playing a bad guy and the other one not. But wait! This one has a twist! How original! This just proves that two wrongs definitely do not make a right.

09. The Eye

In these times of despair and confusion, only one thing is for certain – Jessica Alba could not act her way out of a paper sack, especially in a movie where she plays a blind woman. “The Eye” doesn’t want to make people re-think eye transplants. “The Eye” wants to make people pluck out there eyes to keep from seeing this film. Watching Jessica Alba up there trying her best to ‘act’ was precious in itself, but not worth watching this crapola.

10. Meet the Spartans

Yet another in a long line of wretched slapstick comedies from the guys who brought you the previous line of wretched slapstick comedies, minus Leslie Nielsen. This film has nothing. It’s about nothing. It’s for no one. The good thing that came from this film is that it’s the first in this franchise to bomb, which means they might actually think before they rush to greenlight the next one. In a year of amazing comedies, this film merely existed.